Things I'm pondering now: Letters to the Stars

Dear Barack,

It's pretty clear that I think your wife is fabu. And well, yea I want you to win: not only so Michelle can be a great first lady; not only because I want to have a self identifying black president;not only because supporting you is cool and trendy; and not only because I swoon every time I see your great dance skills on Ellen but because I like your politics. Yes We Can (use your healthcare plan to deal with this swelling on top of my foot since the stupid British NHS won't pay for a podiatrist and my job is withholding a week of pay).
But Barack, I have a bone to pick. Really could we not include one other recognizable racial minority in your first national commercial? I'm sure there are some ethnically ambiguous folks or maybe they're hidden in the black and white shots, but lets be real...I know you have a photo with a minority. I'll let the whole hijab wearing ladies thing slide. YES WE CAN!


Dear Robert Kelly,
You're a perv. We all knew something was up with your songs. We also knew something was up when the Aaliyah wedding rumors came about while "Age Aint Nothing But A Number" was still blaring on the radio. I also don't doubt the possibilities that the girl was a fast little girl, but regard yourself a lucky man. Please go repent and make another of your gospel're too talented to waste after you received this break.
But I wonder do you think you got better treatment because you were a celebrity? Do you think the media coverage was different because it was a little black girl and not a little white girl?
I'm not passing judgment because we Christians aren't supposed to do that. I'm just saying you're a pervert because you are.

Dear Vogue Italia,
I anxiously await next Thursday. But did Naomi need the cover? She's crazy and not in the self obsessed Tyra way! But I guess that sells.

Dear View Ladies,
Loved the Michelle episode.
Barbara please stop the old lady madness. No one wants to know whose families you destroyed of that Alan Greenspan has hooked up with any one, much less you.Also I have the feeling bare isn't so great on you. Please wear panty hose.
Sherri, I wonder about you. Are all the screws alright? Eh, watev you're fun. I so feel you on the sleeveless thing must be the fun aunt. I'm certain of it.
Elizabeth continue being yourself.
Whoopi, I | you. I'm not sure what it means, but you're cool and keep it all the way real. Thanks for helping out Michelle on the show. Also your comment about dark skin black women, on point. Rock ON!.
But can we please stop calling it a fist bump: its a pound/dap and Michelle you know you knew it before the young folk on the campaign. Even today's issue of The Guardian has a photo spread dedicated to old people doing it.

Dear self,
We need to chat. cough*Dissertation*cough*laundry*cough.


  1. gotta love a mind that thinks like the kImster's!

  2. Please add my signature to your R. Kelly letter! LOL


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